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I sit here alone,
Feeling desperate
And desperate to express how I'm feeling.
So I turn to poetry,
The only way I know how.

My thoughts always present,
I'm needing to vent the bad ones -
They drag me down,
Unable to cope,
Scared of what the future will bring.

I try to be happy,
But I've lost all I once had.
Hanging on for my friends,
They're all I have left,
But they deserve better.

My friends are such legends,
Supporting me
Through such a painful time,
But they can't see it yet -
Their relief if I die.

I love them so much,
But can't give them what they need.
They don't understand
Why I think what I do.
One day soon I pray they will.

The future
Is theirs for the taking,
Grab it with both hands
Is what I try and say.
Don't worry about me.

I have no future.
I've known for some time.
I meant what I thought
When I was nineteen -
I wanted to die in my teens.

But it didn't work,
I'm still here.
I can't tell anyone how I feel,
So write it in my poems
And hope that I feel better.

Often I don't.
I'm too bad for that now,
Nothing will help me.
I've tried so much,
And know my time is up.

So I'm sorry
To all of those I love.
I don't know how much longer
I intend to stick around,
But I've come to accept the truth.

I'm no longer free -
Imprisoned by terrible thoughts,
Emotional torment so unbearable,
But at least when I'm gone
The world will be a better place.

But until that day,
Still unknown -
Or more to the point,
Undecided -
At least I have my poetry.

I've written so much,
I'm nearly out of paper.
A sign perhaps,
The end is near.
Poetry no longer the answer.

I need to escape,
I need to be free,
It's no wonder I want to die -
A perfect oblivion,
All I could hope for.

So this is me
Reaching out in desperation.
I know I'm hurting my friends,
But soon they can move on,
Forget I ever existed.