Running away from home

Running away from home,
To start a new life
Where I can be free.
Don’t contact me, dad,
I’m sick of it all
And for the ninety ninth time,
I’m not suicidal!

Running away form home,
I know it’s a risk.
I’ve no money,
No job,
Nothing.
In search of better prospects,
A new beginning.

Running away from home,
Escaping my parents,
Escaping my past –
The skeletons in my closet
I’d rather not discuss.
It’s only a dream,
But one I so wish could happen.

Running away form home,
So much hope
As freedom beckons.
Don’t follow me, dad,
I need a bit of space
And I appreciate your concern,
But I’m really not suicidal!

The social reject

The social reject
With nothing left.
Choices I made
And problems inflicted upon me.
I hoped for success,
But chances wither away,
Leaving no trace of their existence
Like an anonymous death.

The social reject
With no hopes for tomorrow.
With no tomorrow.
What is the point?
Circumstances out of my control
Drive my emotions lower each day,
To the point I can no longer cope.
So what is the point?

The social reject
With a death wish at twenty,
Never regained the will to live.
There’s no hope left,
All I once had withered away,
No trace of positive existence.
Another anonymous death -
Mine.

Confusion in faith

Sometimes it gets too much,
I can’t take any more.
There’s no explanation,
No reason for my feelings.

All I can do is pray,
But this is so difficult
When I’ve lost all hope
And all I have left is anger.

God doesn’t need to listen.
I’ve done so much bad,
I don’t deserve his help,
But listen he does.

I don’t know why,
I can’t explain.
“Have faith and don’t give up”
Is what God says to me.

I’ve been left wondering,
Was it God who confused my emotions?
I wish I knew how I felt,
Even if I couldn’t get any worse.

Sometimes I can’t escape,
Days or even weeks of anger
And no end to my confusion.
I just wish it was all…

Over?
Finished?
Done?
Yeah, that’s about right.

The depressed dropout

No chances in life,
Judgement every day
From those who don't understand.
I've tried to move on,
To correct my mistakes
And make something of myself.

So what if I dropped out.
It was for the best
But I face a daily judgement,
A social stigma
For doing what I thought was right.
But it doesn't end there.

I'm judged for my feelings,
Ashamed of my emotions.
When it gets really bad
I'm left unable to talk.
I write, but still fear judgement,
A poem, a suicide note.

Nobody cares, nobody understands,
So I am left alone.
Solitary confinement
For a crime I didn't commit,
The story of the depressed dropout
Has no happy ending.

Socially stigmatised,
My ambitions reduced to pipe dreams.
People judge me for what I've become,
They don't understand.
My emotions kept private,
The truth of the depressed dropout kept hidden.

Another day

Another day,
It's an achievement.
I made it through the night.
Bad dreams,
Fear,
Nothing can stop me now.

Another day,
More pain
I need to overcome.
Imprisoned,
With no chance of escape
'Till the day I die.

Another day,
Problems still here,
But the search for hope
Keeps me going,
Longing for the tomorrow
That was never meant to be.

Another day,
The challenge too great.
Find another way,
A freedom
From emotional pain,
Even worse than yesterday.

Thoughts of a prisoner

The journey is long,
Painful,
Imprisoning.
There's no freedom
Any more.
I sleep to be free,
But my dreams aren't peaceful.

Scary things happen,
I want to get off.
No,
Correction,
I need to get off.
I'm not a criminal,
What did I do?

Imprisoned by my thoughts,
My dad's exaggeration
Once proved right.
No hope of escape,
Still on suicide watch.
No space,
No freedom.

Stop the world,
I've had enough.
The journey must end
With freedom,
Release from pain.
I can't carry on in prison
For something I didn't do.