Ticking time bomb

The ticking time bomb,
Laying dormant for nine years,
Nearly went off a couple of times.
But why now?
Why when I thought I'd moved on?
Why not when I was fourteen?
It shouldn't have been planted
But I didn't know how to react.
So alone,
So isolated from society,
I had nowhere to turn.
But why did the bomb go off now?
None of it makes sense.
Nine years is so long,
Ticking in the background,
Messing up my teenage years.
I try to be happy,
But mostly I just pretend,
Fooling my friends,
Though not intentionally.
I'm also fooling myself,
Covering up my sadness,
A method of escape
From the daily emotional agony.
The bomb planted when I was eleven
Went off when I was twenty.
So messed up,
I'll never be the same again.